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Staunton

The first time Staunton saves his family from terrorists, he has to set his broken leg himself, then walk up ten flights of stairs. He’s a media hero; he says it was just another day on the job.

The second time, he drives a car bomb off a bridge, rolling out the door at the last second. The third–one day before retirement–he guns down fifty trained assassins, while falling out a window.

The fourth time he punches out a cruise missile.

“What’s happening to me?” he whispers, terrified, in the confession booth.

“Miracles,” the priest says. “Sainthood takes three.”

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