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Skills Acquired During Summer Internship at the Bighorn Canyon Eco-Library Preserve, 2009

  • How to read sideways without turning one’s head
  • How to manually rebind hardbacks with vegan glue
  • How to make vegan glue to begin with
  • Cherokee alphabetization
  • Effective naturopathic antifungal, antimollusk prophylaxis (“booksalting”)
  • Rigid campfire control
  • Really, really rigid campfire control
  • Mineral-based shelf-rebalancing
  • Firsthand exegesis of Thoreau
  • Flashlight-free nocturnal weird noise investigation
  • Mass sciuricide
  • Proper disposal/burial of the results of mass sciuricide
  • Midstack lupine evasion techniques (climbing)
  • Midstack ursine evasion techniques (not climbing)
  • The startling reason why mountain lions prefer to sniff trade paperbacks published before 1983
  • But I’m not telling you what it is until somebody gives me a fricking job
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