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Waylon

The saltshaker skips backwards through time five minutes every time he tips it over, probably.

“How’d you establish that?” says Mahmoud.

“I wrote ‘5:30’ down on a piece of paper,” says Waylon, “which I remembered to do because I pulled it out at 5:25.”

“Why not stick your watch in there?”

“It won’t fit.”

“Well, remember to put the Powerball numbers in tonight and take them out now!” says Mahmoud.

“It’s already 6:45, and that only works in Bill & Ted–”

“Do it!”

Waylon sighs, but when the duplicate shaker phases into being, he unscrews the top.

“6:50,” says the paper inside.

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