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Category Archives: The Union

I got bored.

California

Where is your father?
Can’t be known.
Where is your mother?
Home alone.
Where is your sister?
Oversea.
Where is your brother?
Far from me.

What’s California?
Burning brush.
Why is it burning?
Thunderhush.
Where is the thunder?
My brother’s laugh.
Where is your brother?
Diamondcraft.

What’s a diamond?
Stars that broke.
Why are they broken?
Heartache. Hope.
What do they hope for?
My brother’s smile.
Where is your brother?
Thousands of miles.

How many thousands?
Stars by night.
Are you a star?
Writing in light.
What’s your hope?
That my brother will see.
Where is your brother?
Far from me.

Minnesota

The Justin and his Martin are weathered, but they fit together now. Ptah is at his side.

“So,” growls Evil Special Interest Man, “you defeated my charcoalsuits. But I wield the power of the monotheism lobby!” He dials a number on his tiny phone. Ptah gasps and turns to dust.

“He’ll be back,” says the Justin. “That’s what Ptah does.

Evil Special Interest Man shrugs. “Regardless, the music industry lobby wants that guitar–”

He reaches out with slithy fingers. Justin grasps the action figure in his pocket and hopes.

“Not so fast!” roars the Body, bebooted and beboaed, springing to life.

Oregon

“They said Portland wouldn’t be safe until it ate me,” says Andromeda, tears dry by now.

“Those barbarians,” says Perseus. “Those blind fools! Listen, I could get in a lot of trouble for this, but–”

Andromeda’s eyes open wide. Perseus reaches down and sets a yellow hard hat on her head. There’s a can in a coozie attached to either side of it. Straws lead from the cans down to her mouth.

“I put beer in the left one,” says Perseus. “The right one’s Mountain Dew, you know, in case you’re not into that.”

“Oh,” says Andromeda.

“Okay!” says Perseus. “Bye!”

Kansas

“Just gotta make it through Lawrence,” mumbles Willis. “Just gotta make it through this hippie town and we’re safe in the City…”

“We’d make it through faster if you’d find the damn silver,” hisses Hal, stuffing his pillowcase with credit cards and jewelry.

“Nobody has silver anymore,” says Willis, “silver went out with catseye glasses,” but he tries another door. It’s a kid’s room. There’s an aquarium in it.

“Hey, Hal?” he says.

“Dammit keep your voice down!”

“No, Hal,” Willis swallows, “I’m pretty sure there’s a fish holding a gun on me.”

“Grappling gun,” says Batman Fish, “actually,” and launches.

West Virginia

“Delaware,” chuckles Amira. “Became the first state and it pretty much went downhill after that!”

“Yes,” says Rumer uncertainly.

“Nobody’s ever got anything interesting to say about Delaware unless they’re trying really hard,” she adds. “It’s like that Wayne’s World thing they did. ‘We could go to Delaware! …Hey. We’re in Delaware.‘” She giggles. “Let’s do that! The thing! You be Mike Meyers.”

“You just did,” says Rumer. “That was it.”

“The only way you can stop saying mean things about it,” says Amira, “is to start making fun of some other state entirely! Hellooo!”

“We’re in West Virginia.”

“Hellooo Delaware!”

Nevada

In the first picture Aurelia’s yawning, not a cute pink kitten mouth way: her eyes are half closed and she looks like something just hit her in the head, but really she just wasn’t ready for the booth to start.

In the second she’s vamping. No happy girl vamps alone. Not unless she’s got somebody else out there waiting to pull out the pictures, which isn’t alone, of course. She’s got her side to the camera and her lips pursed, back arched, hands on her thighs.

In the third one she’s not there.

In the fourth she’s wearing a ski mask.

Nebraska

The train barely shudders as it runs over the girl; that many tons on that many wheels make a joke of her bones. The conductor never brakes. Must not have been looking.

Whiplash catches her fluttering bonnet and snarls with anticipation. Now. Now! After all these tries he’s finally poured out the libation of virgin’s blood on the gravel, and–wait–the outline of a man like a bull, glowing brighter–

“Lord Unipakiphykos!” he cries over the train’s thunder. “At last, at last, manifest by my sacrifice!”

And you will be rewarded, loyal Snidely, roars the Rail God in his mind.

Colorado

If you time it right on East Colfax, late at night, the traffic lights get a slow pulse of red and green. The idea to drive at exactly forty, so you don’t have to stop at all, but Agathe likes to play differently. Gun it through the first one on its red edge and see if you can make it to the next, the next, all the way to the 70 ramp to catch the tail of the pulse before. Agathe whoops, then, and so do you: in the cancer that is Aurora, you, only you can go faster than light.

North Dakota

The helicopter descends, but the animals don’t scatter; they turn in place, or take a few steps back and forth, but that’s all. Ned counts eight of them, takes the binoculars from Mackie and looks back: this time there are five. He peers through the lenses.

“No,” he says.

“Must have other ranges elsewhere,” says Mackie, “but this is the only one in North America. They like the terrain in the Badlands.”

“Those are not,” Ned says, with rising uncertainty, “Pushmi-Pullyus.”

“Keep observing, or the waveform could collapse,” Mackie says sharply. “And no, not exactly. We call them Quantum Llamas.”

South Dakota

“They–how do they shit, for one thing–”

Mackie shrugs, hopping out as the rotor slows. “Quantum!” he shouts. “Remember, don’t stop watching! Even if it spits!”

Ned wants to watch the sky–surely the FBI’s close behind–but he doesn’t. His quarry eyes him with nervous disdain and tries to walk away, which fails, of course. Ned wraps his arms around one neck.

“Hear that?” says Mackie. More helicopters. “You ready?”

“I don’t think we can ride these things!”

“Just close your eyes.”

Ned does, inhaling the rich smell of Quantum Llama. Together, for a moment, they fail to exist.