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Graham

Graham has been putting up with people misguessing her gender for fifty-three years and so, when Clownwise and Fiddleshins confuse her Lebowski-style for a wealthy mark, she plays along just long enough to ruin their scheme out of pique. They go to a special jail for people who call themselves things like “Clownwise” and “Fiddleshins.” Her reward is an irritable cat.

Paroled, they gun for her, and end up caught again within twenty-four hours.

“How’d you know we were coming?” whines Fiddleshins from the back of a special police car.

“Because I’ve read a damn book,” says Graham.