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Jason

Jason lol what

Jason completed the quiz “Which Disney Villain Are You?” with the result Ursula!
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Hector completed the quiz “Which Mind-Sundering Forbidden Knowledge Are You?” with the result Secrets of Iighilló!
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August completed the quiz “Why, Why Why Why” with the result All Flesh is Dust!
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Tom completed the quiz “Must Any Attempt At Self-Aggrandizement In This World Seem Like Howling Into A Pitiless Void?” with the result Despair!
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Agnes

“Agnes is going to the library to pretend to study,” Agnes tells her phone. It processes this, and then, as she’s walking through the RFID sentinels, purrs something new from the feed.

“No phones, please,” says the librarian in the wheelchair, like Agnes needs the extra guilt. She covertly wakes it again (muted) once she’s around the corner.

Hector is in the library, her phone says, because there’s too much drama in his room.

Agnes peeks down through the lightwell to confirm this. “Oh no, phone!” she whispers. “That means Jason–”

Amelia and Jason ended their relationship, it hiccups.

“:(,” Agnes sighs.

Her Purse

An operetta for guitar and baritone
by Jason Corddry
for Amelia
whose purse was left in my room
when you went to Kai’s party
wait, I forgot the subtitle
(My Fingers are Bleeding Gmaj7)
(that’s the subtitle)
(they’re not actually bleeding)
(but I do have a hangnail)

ACT I
In which an unnamed boy and girl meet
under the falling blossoms of a cherry tree
unless it was dogwood but let’s say cherry
I can’t check since they bulldozed it for the new library
Christ, that’s symbolic
THAT should be the subtitle

ACT II
In which Amelia goddamn sleeps with Kai

Jonah

JONAH
A year?

JASON
A week. You went into a coma last
Monday, woke up claiming it was
last September.

JONAH
Amnesia.

JASON
Amnesia’s accidental.

Beat.

JONAH
Who?

JASON (SIGN LANGUAGE)
<The rainbow, the shadow, the
holy ghost.>

JONAH
Is that Asshole for “no sé?”

JASON
I’ll help you find out.

JONAH
Help these.

JASON
You pulled a beautiful con
once. I was the mark.

JASON grabs JONAH’S ear and leans in.

JASON
I’ll help you, and watch you
thrash like a legless ant in a
puddle. Like I thrashed. And
you’ll let me help, because
Jonah–I’m all you’ve got.

Chyler

“Are you okay?”

Kai and Ayane are waiting by the door, concerned. Kai pretty clearly has to go: she’s trying to not to hop from foot to foot. “Yeah!” says Jason, muffled. “Sorry, just a minute!”

“What else can you say to that?” mutters Chyler over a euchre hand.

Agnes cracks a grin, and Hector cracks up. It’s lost on Chyler.

“Like you can just go ‘No, actually,'” she says, in a Jasonesque baritone. “‘Having some difficulty. Think you could come on in and help?'”

Hector’s off his chair, and Agnes covers her eyes. Chyler barely notices. Her hand really sucks.

Chyler

“Eighteen days,” says August firmly. “To the minute.”

“Lord, honey, a year,” drawls Willie. “Or better yet, don’t.”

“Ooh, the same thing happened with me!” exclaims Laura. “And then that Friday, Ben… um, went into a coma.”

“A fortnight!” says Jason happily. “Actually I just wanted to say ‘fortnight.'”

“I don’t know,” says Hector, “A couple days?”

“Two weeks,” says Ayane. “Four weeks. No, two weeks.”

“It’s cool,” says Diego sagely. “Seriously, babe, I don’t mind. What was the question?”

“Five days,” says Agnes.

“A month,” says Tom.

“Just ask him, Chyler,” groans Emily, “honestly, can we talk about something else?”

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