has a captain named Captain Exigon. His first mate is Zombie Lieutenant Graaahh.
“We should really do something with our missiles,” says Captain Exigon, in zombie Russian.
“Well,” says Graaahh at length, “there aren’t any countries I want to obliterate.”
“I was thinking more of treating them like treasure,” says Exigon. “We could bury them somewhere, and mark it with an X!”
“Then hunt for more!” Graaahh is getting into it. “Terrors of the seas! With a disarmament agenda!”
“Exactly!” says Exigon.
So that’s where all the missing Russian nukes are and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.