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Desiree

Etruscan haruspices divined omens from the entrails of animals, so under the principle of symmetry, fucking with bird livers should let you change the future. Desiree spikes the doves’ water bowl but it’s hard to tell whether it’s the right dosage. Aside from a few off-key chirps, they mostly just get sleepy.

Sheep should be easier, but here’s the problem: sheep hate you and are dumb. Desiree’s vocal attempts to corner Mrs. Sheepington in the petting zoo with a bottle of Heaven Hill attract a certain notoriety, but, to be fair, that’s what she wanted out of the future anyway.

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