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New Hampshire

“But I’m the only one here,” says Miss New Hampshire.

“Not true,” says last year’s winner. “Miss Nevada–”

“–was shot with a blowgun and stuffed in the towel closet,” says Miss New Hampshire.

“Her thighs,” explains the bald judge.

“And aren’t we the little detective?” says the short judge nastily.

Miss New Hampshire decides not to ask why they’re in an Econolodge, anyway.

“Where were we?” asks the smiling judge. “Ah! The swimsuit portion…?”

Together, they tilt their heads a little to the left. Miss New Hampshire sighs and begins to disrobe, hoping that the Ace bandage effectively hides his thunder.