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The subject of not being Mick Jagger is a longtime favorite of Allen’s. It started as a daydream: were he Mick Jagger, how would he spend his money? What security code would he set for his mansion? How big, in simple poundage, would his penis be?

Then again, at least Allen’s songs aren’t getting bleeped on TV. He hasn’t endured the messy divorces or the jail time.

“There’s a lot for you to envy,” he admits, in the basement.

“That’s wha’m saying,” says Mick between spoonfuls of applesauce.

Allen yawns. “Want me to untie you or anything?”

“Actually no?” says Mick.