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“This was definitely not on the syllabus,” pants Phlange, as they hack their way through steaming vines.

“ECO 302,” calls Professor Ballyforth from his sedan chair. “Practicum in Environmental Issues! Seems straightforward to me.”

“We flew here in a jet,” says Phlange, “and came upriver by a coal-burning barge.”

“Pretty indulgent, eh?” Ballyforth waggles his eyebrows. “Guilt is extra motivation.”

“I already had motivation! That’s why I enrolled!”

“But did everyone? Havis, pop quiz! What is the daily waste footprint of a midwestern American?”

“Yiiii,” Havis replies, providing an Amazon tree boa with sustenance.

“Good!” says Ballyforth. “Six carbon credits.”