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“You or the organization you represent owned the trademark on Quikleen brand detergent, is that correct?” says the bored man in a vest.

“What? We still own it,” says Stuart sharply. “It’s not due to expire, and we’ve been very vigilant about protecting it–”

“A little too vigilant, perhaps. I’m informed it walked into the PTO this morning and applied for sentient citizenship.”

“Dammit!” Stuart squeezes his head. “We spent so long building up brand loyalty–”

“Possibly a bit too long.” The bored man hints at a smile. “I understand it first manifested due to the prayers of its personal cult.”