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It’s hard being a unicorn driver on the cotton candy plantation. “Believe in the magic of your dreams!” they’re always crooning at him. “Let’s all take… a snuggle break!” Dilbo’s whip arm aches by the end of the day just from shutting them up, and they eat all the candy.

But he keeps trying, because the gnomes all teleported to Canada and he still remembers what happened the last time his monthly totals dropped. He sees the consequences every time he comes home, and his wife staggers to greet him: the rictus of her frosting smile, and her rigid gingerbread hug.