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Captain Spaceship

“I demand tea!” Captain Spaceship yells at the computer.

“Actually, Captain, it can’t really interpret voice commands,” says Lieutenant Ethnic politely. “It could, perhaps, but true artificial intelligence and complete servitude are mutually incompati–”

“Enough!” says Captain Spaceship. “What were we doing?”

“We were getting boarded by hostile forces, sir.”

The door opens with a specially recorded hiss. Captain Spaceship spins and fires a raygun hole through Commander Beard, who topples gently, the requested teacup still in his hand.

“That should have been an ensign!” roars Captain Spaceship.

“They abolished the rank of ensign,” sighs Lieutenant Ethnic. “We both know why.”