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They’ve eliminated guage bosons, neutrinos, tauons and five flavors of quark, but the scientists working at the Innocence Project feel that this only strengthens their case.

“Our detractors brandish Occam’s Razor,” Velena types into the latest press release, “but the rigor of our science should prove that we are not multiplying entities—we are subtracting them, and thereby coming closer to the truth.”

They discard top quarks later that afternoon. No matter. The men and women of the Innocence Project are set to isolate the particle emitted by childhood’s decay, and they believe they can do it.

They really, really do.