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The Hobbyist’s Guide to Basic Dragon-Based Gardening

COCHLEA: Difficult to obtain but well worth the effort, as they will grow into gifted children named after your grandparents.

EYES: Spring-blooming annuals, best planted in late fall or winter. Produce cable-knit sweaters in a variety of colors.

KNEECAPS: Require heavily nitrogenated soil but do best in indirect sunlight. Produce a certain je ne sais quoi.

RIBS: Plant lengthwise in trenches, as with tubers, or grow hydroponically. Produce short-haired female mechanics or, when pruned, mechanical engineers.

SMALL INTESTINES: Slice into 6″ segments and treat like cuttings from a parent plant. Probably. Produce headaches.

TEETH: Best avoided.