Symptoms may include loss of appetite, loss of concentration, loss of keys, ennui, and burning sensations in your eyes when trying to sleep.

Symptoms may include heightened sex drive, lowered standards, overly available digits, and gin goggles. Do not operate heavy anatomy while under the effects.

Symptoms may include trouble remembering names in the morning.

Recommended treatment: devoted and untroublesome friends who exist only in movies. Should these prove unavailable, consider waiting until the sun comes out in April and getting the fuck over yourself. Consult your physician before decreasing any masturbation regimen.

Side effects are similar to a candy heart.