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“This list is ridiculous,” says Epidiah. “Holy water is for vampires, we’re not setting money on fire, and ‘proton packs’ are not real.”

“Still locked at the corner,” says Lemmy, peering out the mail slot. “Look, it wears the chain it forged in life!”

“It’s a ghost bike, Lemmy,” says Epidiah with weariness beyond death. “Somebody spray-painted it white because a friend of theirs–”

“Reached out from beyond the grave, I know,” Lemmy frowns. “Like vodoun or pharaonic burial goods. Did you bless the holy water yet?”

Epidiah’s sainthood derives from the Universal Life Church, but unfortunately that’s good enough.