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The Taggert Files. Taggert infiltrates a theophagous resurrection cult with roots in the Middle East. (R)
Funkalicious Flavors. Pitchers of alcohol stiffened with raw egg; a goose the size of a small child.
Wackonomics. The entire US economy for the next century depended on a single day in late November. Did you screw it up? With host Buckethead.
The Doctors. An obese burglar attempts a home invasion via chimney. Leopold takes heat when he dies during leg amputation.
Paradoz. Oz’s first personality extols greed while his second piously refutes it. No resolution. (R)

Viggo Mortensen

Viggo Mortensen is one of the finest trained swordsmen in Hollywood.

“If not the Warren Beatty kind of swordsman,” he chuckles softly. “That’s who did this, though, isn’t it? Beatty?”

Rub the rope burns on your gasping throat and nod.

“Next time don’t mention old Pat.” Viggo Mortensen shrugs. “You couldn’t have known. But if you’re still breathing we must be only a few minutes behind him–did you see which way he went?”

Point. It doesn’t matter where.

Viggo Mortensen’s grin is a hungry teenage boy. “Not much longer, old man. Tally ho, Buckethead!”

Buckethead unsheathes his doubleneck and crows.