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The Rogue Cold War Sub Crewed by Zombies

has a captain named Captain Exigon. His first mate is Zombie Lieutenant Graaahh.

“We should really do something with our missiles,” says Captain Exigon, in zombie Russian.

“Well,” says Graaahh at length, “there aren’t any countries I want to obliterate.”

“I was thinking more of treating them like treasure,” says Exigon. “We could bury them somewhere, and mark it with an X!”

“Then hunt for more!” Graaahh is getting into it. “Terrors of the seas! With a disarmament agenda!”

“Exactly!” says Exigon.


So that’s where all the missing Russian nukes are and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.


The Deep Ones go on a road trip!

“KAAAK!” croaks Magoth, pumping his arm out the driver’s side window.

“KROOOKOKOK!” shouts Digrak, as he slams the hatchback door.

“KAARG!” says Mundr, who brought snacks.

“ROAD TRIP!” hoots Sargok.

Pretty soon they figure out that the van doesn’t work in the nameless depths of G’ll-Hoo, so they try hitching. A passing rogue Cold War sub crewed by zombies agrees to take them most of the way to Malg Ur-hrn.

“YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME,” says Sargok, drunk on hideous liqueurs.

“когда вы будете делать нам минет?” says the zombie captain, impatiently.