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“I remember when this fighting made sense,” mutters Waxman (D-CA). “Two sides, party lines, primary colors. I had allies over there.” His suit is mudstained, one sleeve torn for a bandage.

“It couldn’t last,” says Martinez (R-FL) wryly. “War is never that simple.”

“I liked it better when we paid people to do this for us,” grumbles McConnell (R-KY).

“Prepare yourselves!” bellows Mikulski (D-MD), her claymore high. “You hold this line! You hold!

Four hundred thirty-five cavalry mount the hill and charge, sabers gleaming. Waxman licks his lips, grasps the haft of his pike, and waits.