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“I am the rightful heir to the Throne of Peter!” insists Stephen III.

“Only because I was taken prisoner,” sneers Constantine II. “You and your Lombard pals! Well, I’m free now, and my first act is going to be shipping you off to the heathen isles!”

“You can’t!” shrieks Stephen III. “I’m excommunicating you first!”

They both reach for the inkwell at the same time. Pope touches Antipope, and the resulting explosion is only barely reshaped by the magnetic reactor field.

“There’s gotta be a cheaper way to do this,” sighs Captain Tyne, as the ship hurtles off toward Alpha Lyrae.