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Murdron and Garmegula are pushing down buildings to see how many other buildings they can topple, domino-style. Concrete breaks loose from twisted rebar; a tiny clang echoes from Murdron’s foot down what remains of the street.

Klaxons klax from Murdron’s klaxula. “Our lifestyle is under attack!” he thunders, deploying laserbursts to rake the rubblescape. Garmegula stomps through three hospitals and the Humane Society. Norbert, struggling for breath through a crushed ventilator, throws a picture of his late family at Garmegula’s tail.

Tink, goes the picture.

“I KNEW IT,” shrieks Garmegula in righteous triumph, and douses a daycare with radioactive pee.


In a hurry, citizen?” booms Murdron, towering above Margaret’s Chrysler. Its deputy badge is a gold dot welded to titanium armor; its clipboard is a flatbed.

“Well, yes,” says Margaret.

What was so urgent as to make you exceed the posted limit?

“The kaiju battle,” says Margaret, “mostly,” as Vulfhor subjects Welbaru to a radioactive eyeblast. Welbaru shrieks. Margaret’s hair falls out.

Murdron shakes its head. “You put yourself and others in grave danger!

“With all due respect–” Margaret begins, before Welbaru flattens her car.

Truly, a tragedy no one could have foreseen,” is the box Murdron checks on the paperwork.


Murdron and Garmegula have been battling so much lately that people are starting to talk.

“Do you even remember the last time Murdron threw down with Welbaru?” says Gerania, eyebrows high.


“February! I checked!”

“You really think something’s going on?” says Hebron, as they duck and cover from a blast of napalm breath.

“I don’t know how they expect to stay off TMZ.”

Garmegula and Murdron are engaged in a long, staggering clinch; Garmegula’s dorsal blades shred the bank tower. There’s a lot of subsonic grunting.

Watching from the volcano a mile away, Akikai weeps. It’s probably just the fumes.


Mechnozoid’s copy of Apache is configured all weird and it would probably be hard to upgrade to 2.2.11 even if it weren’t actively battling Murdron at the moment. Edderly wishes like hell he could just figure out which kaiju kernel it’s running.

“Try apt-getting again,” he yells across the machine-crowded command deck to Felix.

“I don’t think that works if the hosts file is EAAAGH,” says Felix, as Murdron’s energy sword peels through titanium armor to obliterate his torso.

Hi, Edderly types into a new forum post, I don’t know if any of you have encountered this problem before.


“Putting legal limits on kaiju rampages?” Bernhardt is aghast. “That’s tantamount to nationalization!”

“It’s a natural role for the Kaijuville Council,” says Aguilar.

“Every citizen has a God-given right to stumble into an unguarded nuclear facility, bathe his body in strange energies and grow into a hundred-foot-tall mutant,” says Bernard firmly. “To say otherwise is, is–”

Before he can pick an unfashionable ethos, Murdron and Garmegula accidentally stomp the council building to pieces, and Garmegula sets the ruins aflame.

Later, Vulfhor stops by and, a bit shamefacedly, picks out and eats the corpses.

It’s tough all over in Kaijuville.