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“We’re here with noted kaiju critic Esther Hayes, and the lines are open!” says the anchor.

“Yeah, what even is your job,” says the line.

“I interpret kaiju rampages through a lens that makes them relatable,” Esther says patiently. “For instance, Vulfhor’s destruction of the Wilbury neighborhood last week was an allegory for the oligarchical–”

“Twelve hundred people lived in that allegory.” The line crackles. “My great-aunt lived in that allegory.”

“I know.” Esther lets her exhaustion show, almost. “Sometimes you need a lens to make things farther away.”

Vulfhor rolls his radioactive eyes and tries to change the channel.


In a hurry, citizen?” booms Murdron, towering above Margaret’s Chrysler. Its deputy badge is a gold dot welded to titanium armor; its clipboard is a flatbed.

“Well, yes,” says Margaret.

What was so urgent as to make you exceed the posted limit?

“The kaiju battle,” says Margaret, “mostly,” as Vulfhor subjects Welbaru to a radioactive eyeblast. Welbaru shrieks. Margaret’s hair falls out.

Murdron shakes its head. “You put yourself and others in grave danger!

“With all due respect–” Margaret begins, before Welbaru flattens her car.

Truly, a tragedy no one could have foreseen,” is the box Murdron checks on the paperwork.


“Next on the agenda,” says Iolaus, “the proposed ballot measure to implement quotas on non-kaiju residents in federal housing.”

A throat clears like a collapsing building.

“I know there’s some opposition–”

The throat clears again; people take cover.

“But we have to consider placing one kaiju versus twenty-five families in a given unit and YES Vulfhor what IS it,” says Iolaus.

“I just want to avoid any hint of reverse discrimination,” sniffs the eighty-foot-tall purple lycanthrope.

“You smashed six housing projects last week!”

Vulfhor shakes his head sadly. “And here I thought we were past all that.”


“Putting legal limits on kaiju rampages?” Bernhardt is aghast. “That’s tantamount to nationalization!”

“It’s a natural role for the Kaijuville Council,” says Aguilar.

“Every citizen has a God-given right to stumble into an unguarded nuclear facility, bathe his body in strange energies and grow into a hundred-foot-tall mutant,” says Bernard firmly. “To say otherwise is, is–”

Before he can pick an unfashionable ethos, Murdron and Garmegula accidentally stomp the council building to pieces, and Garmegula sets the ruins aflame.

Later, Vulfhor stops by and, a bit shamefacedly, picks out and eats the corpses.

It’s tough all over in Kaijuville.